What do you want? What do I want? I don't know. Sometimes it seems that it's quite clear, other days like today I'm totally clueless. I am dissapointed in YiA, little bit. Not really in them but in people, who organise stuff and choose a suitable time. Just because of their and my choices I (again) cannot go away, see the world and meet people. What can be more awful than 4 walls surrounding you every bloody day or evening? Of course, it depends on the walls. I can recall what the walls of Daugirdiškes created in all us, that was something amazing and I want to regain it once more. But - at totally the same time I have some important exam to do. For a moment I wanted to throw it all al diavolo, but in this case, three years of my life would've been checked out. Thinking back now, I'd name them "the years of hooker and prostitution", because right now it seems that instead of gaining something I totally sold out myself to someone else and he took ride on back for the whole time. Some months ago he wanted to do it again, but this time my answer was clear "No and never again". You have your own donkeys to ride on, I woun't let you on my back any more. And I'm not sorry. I've been told sometimes that I am being too cruel sometimes. It's not the torture chamber that has made me like that, no. It's something else, maybe the way I see the world. Not always, but sometimes it looks like quite hopeless place to be. And what's more dissapointig at that moment - that I myself ain't a better man to be over it. Here I want to take a big bow for mlle Mylène Farmer - and her les mots. Seriously, these need and deserve to be heard and understood, it's fascinating, how much glory and happiness can be in them, but at the same time some sweet sadness (at this moment, bow to Laurent Boutonnat and Moby for music). Have you ever felt, that you are like a musical instrument yourself, or as it is inside of you? Somewhere deep and not in the head. Like she said, bulle, mais non de chagrin (actually bulle de chagrin, but not for me). I forgive her Sois moi, and feel sorry that I prejudiced Bleu Noir. Right now, listening it, especially the title that is similar to the title of this post and feel like regenerating and going out. No, not to party, club is not the place I can relax. The too loud music there makes my ears bleed. Well, again, depends on the place. More less-hi-tech oriented, more like house party-styled can really be a good one to have a drink or two. Strange, but in all the places I've been to, I never find the only drink I want to try. No Sand and Blood (or vice versa, que mas da), absolutely nowhere. How is it possible? Oh well, but now it's probably time to go. A nice marsroute through the city, today it's perfect thing to do. Yes, it's just another way to spend your friday more usefully than sitting in front of the screen. Moi je veux un peu d'air.
Baisers,
Alex
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